I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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