That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
