i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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