Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
