pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
