I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
