Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
