Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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