dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
