In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
