Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
