Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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