You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
zippers are such a cool invention
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
