I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
