The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
