So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
