Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
