Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
