I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
