So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
