3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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