I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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