yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
