At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
