Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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