He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
