I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
