He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
