Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
