My sheets look like a crime scene.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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