Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
