All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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