maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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