Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will pee on everything he values.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
