love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
