And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
