and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
