if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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