You really coming over, don't trick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
