So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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