So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
