i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
