my vag is so smooth its legendary
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we should paint friendship bongs
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