haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
