And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
