Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
