how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
