I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
did i just pee glitter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
