TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
