guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
