But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
