We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
