do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
