I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
