why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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