turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
