ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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