didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
