she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
