my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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