sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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