garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
