you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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