sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
