What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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