I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
