Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
