ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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