i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
