Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
