Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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