he told me I talked like a deaf person
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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