I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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