I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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