Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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